Just because they said so..
By Rajesh Setty on Thu 07 Jan 2010, 12:10 AM – 9 Comments
Photo Courtesy: Litandmore on Flickr
Over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about how many things I have done just because they said so.
I am sure that is true even in your case.
When you highly respect some people and you trust them 100%, you suspend judgment and rational thought and simply take a shortcut and move towards execution.
We all need shortcuts in life and I use them all the time when the instructions come from people the highly respect.
When I don’t have to worry about the “agenda” of the person giving me the instructions.
Better yet, when I am confident that the “agenda” of the person is totally geared towards me becoming a better person.
When I made a quick list of the number of people that can just order me around, I simply felt blessed. The list is quite long and it simply means that I am surrounded by people that I trust and respect.
Look inside yourself and see if you can make a quick list of people where you have that kind of relationship. I am confident that you have a big list too – just that you may never have slowed down to even think about it.
OK here is the real point:
Now think about all the people that matter most to you.
Now imagine, they were doing this exercise and they are asked to make a quick list of people who can tell them something and they would do that just because they said so.
In how many lists will your name appear?
Something to think about.
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9 Comments so far, Add Yours
wanlei on January 7th, 2010
thanks.
@Annemieke,
Some people are always right, so I do based on their say.
Steven Diamond on January 7th, 2010
I use to listen to everyone. It’s taken me a while to find the right people in life to surround myself with because everyone did have an agenda. That was a hard lesson to learn. But I can honestly say now that I believe my name would appear on quite a few lists. Because I have given my life to the betterment of others. In return I have learned, received, enjoyed and found inner peace in that action. Though I may not be able to change the world, I can change a life, one heart at a time. That is my mission.
Rajesh Setty on January 7th, 2010
@Annemieke, thank you for your comments. You may be referring to extreme cases where people ask you to do crazy things. I am not referring to those things.
@Wanlei, @Steven, thank you for your comments.
Best,
Rajesh
Annemieke on January 7th, 2010
@Rajesh, could you maybe give some examples of what you were referring to.
I was not exactly referring to crazy things. But maybe it was the ‘just because they said so’ in what you wrote. I happen to say a lot sometimes and would not want people do things just because I said so.
But that is something totally different then consider what I said. Because that is what I do myself too. Consider what someone says, combine it with my own thoughts and make a decision.
And in that case, there are those whose thoughts are indeed much more important that those of others. And the fact that they have no ‘agenda’ is maybe even crucial.
But still, in the end there is no other that can know what to do. Because someone else might not have an agenda, but they do have their own perception. And that is always limited.
Rajesh Setty on January 7th, 2010
@Annemieke,
Here are a few examples:
1. a book recommendation (when I have so many choices)
2. attending a course (quite an expensive course)
3. deciding to interview a candidate for a position
I can go on as I have had mentors since 1992.
We can also simply agree to disagree on this. I don’t expect everyone to agree with what I am saying 
Best,
Rajesh
Apolinaras “Apollo” Sinkevicius on January 8th, 2010
@Rajesh, I know you use the term “agenda”, but I think “context” is even better to describe what you are talking about. “Agenda” just has too much negative bagage (at least to me).
There are just certain people (usually much smarter or experienced than us) we surround ourselves with who have that context about helping you become a bigger person than they are. They don’t preach, they listen more than talk, and they have no qualms about sharing their mistakes. I have a handful of those kind of individuals around me who hold such a context in their relationship with me. You can bet I spend almost no time questioning their agenda. Rather I am looking for the ways HOW I could benefit from what they have shared and look for continued guidance.
Those kind of people are worth their weight in uranium, because their impact is that long lasting. And yes, pun was intended.
Annemieke on January 8th, 2010
@Rajesh, actually it is not so much that I disagree with you, it is more that I am intrigued by what you say. How can I disagree with how that works for you
But if I look at your examples (thank you for those) then I might also consider a book that was recommended to me. But no matter how much I value that other person, I might very well end up not reading that one. But it might lead me to another one that I do read.
In fact, when I look back at things, that is how that most of the time works for me. Any recommendation might make it more clear what I really do or do not want. But I can not remember doing anything JUST because of a recommendation.
I think for me it is more like the recommendation is part of the mix. You shake it with your own thoughts, feelings, desire and intuition and make a decision.
When I write it down like this, it seems like a long and complicated process. But actually it is not at all. It works like that all the time without actually ‘thinking’ about it.
But again, that is how it works for me.
Rajesh Setty on January 8th, 2010
@Apollo, Yes, that is a better term – context instead of agenda. Thanks for the suggestion.
@Annemieke, thank you for your comments. I understand your approach. Thank you for sharing it.
Best,
Rajesh
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Annemieke on January 7th, 2010
There are many people I respect and trust. But that does not mean I rely on what they say.
Even the very best intentions might not be true ‘in general’.
And it would scare the hell out of me if someone did something JUST because I said so. I always hope that people think for themselves before they act.