Tanmay Vora  on January 29th, 2009

How true! No one can stress you out unless you allow them to do so.

A few months back, I attended a Management Development Program where our teacher Prof. M. S. Pillai (Founder of Sadhana Center of Management and Leadership Development, Pune) asked me to handover my pen to him. When I extended the pen, he refused to take it. I was insistent but he did not take it. He says, you want to give me, but what if I don’t want to take it? It is the same with insult/stressing situation. Someone tries bestow a disturbing remark/insult on you, but what if you refuse to take it?

That was an important lesson. Stress is not about how much stressed you are, but how you manage it.

Thanks for a simple and insightful post.

Rajesh Setty  on January 29th, 2009

Tanmay, I enjoyed reading about the lesson from your teacher. Thank you so much for sharing it…

Best,

Raj

ochuko  on January 30th, 2009

Hi Rajesh, thanks for the insight! Would begin applying this principle.. It was like you had me in mind when you wrote this piece.. I put up “squeezed inside” on my blog yesterday.. and after reading yours, i put up “Relieved inside”.. Thanks!

Rajesh Setty  on January 30th, 2009

Ochuko, thanks for the kind note. I am glad you are “relieved inside.”

Have a great day.

Best,

Raj

Hmm..Relieved Inside!! « Ochuko’s Blog  on January 30th, 2009

[…] Thanks in part to this article by Rajesh (Hmm..Isn’t that Interesting) […]

Adnan  on January 31st, 2009

Hi Rajesh

I recently became a fan of your after reading Beyond code. An awesome attempt and my prayers are for you.

speaking of stress..what would you suggest if one gets an insult from someone you loved more than life, the insult which was not valid as well? any advice?

thanks

Rajesh Setty  on January 31st, 2009

Thank you for your comment Adnan.

On the situation that you described, I hesitate to offer my perspective only because I wouldn’t know the entire context. But, here are some pointers (something to think about):

1. You mentioned about an insult from someone who you loved more than your life. What didn’t come across is that the insult was from someone who loved you more than their life. So that’s the first clue there.

2. Since the insult was not valid and it came from a person that means a lot to you, one thing you can do is to just ask for a clarification – why did the person insult in the first place and what was his or her perspective the triggered this action.

3. In any case, however you look at it, dealing this with lesser stress is a better option as you might avoid further damages that way.

I know it is hard and don’t hesitate to get some help from someone who are experts in dealing with these issues.

Best,

Raj

Caleb Bontrager  on January 31st, 2009

Hi Rajesh,

I have yet to read Life Beyond Code, but it’s on my list for when life slows down a little bit (end of this college semester?). I ran across your blog somehow in my travels online and have appreciated the nuggets of wisdom you post.

This particular post resonated with me. You see, I learned this the hard way a couple years ago during a particularly rough spot at work. I’m grateful for the reminder that we determine our own responses to life events.

My college professor I respect stated it this way, “No one makes me angry; I elect my behavior.” Good words to live by.

Rajesh Setty  on January 31st, 2009

Hi Caleb,

Thank you for your note. I love the lesson from your teacher – “No one makes me angry; I elect my behavior.”

Thanks for sharing and have a great weekend.

Best,

Rajesh

Adnan  on January 31st, 2009

Thanks Rajesh for your kind response.

I know this is not your area ..may be it is because I know I performed bad when I was going thru crisis. I was about to get engaged, the girl suddenly stepped back since she didn’t like something and she assumed nothing can be done.. She was being like what you said in your book,a kind of pessimistic people who never admits their negativity and try to cover it up by talking about ‘reality’ and ‘practicality’. Irony is that she didn’t give me a single chance to provide solutions. I did have solutions but she didn’t listen. I tried my level best. she put all blame on me and walked out. IN short,I was blamed for someone else’s sins. I hate to curse fate and blaming it because I believe that fate is driven by our own decisions..kind of If-then-else checks who are used to change “default values”.

Since I am an IT professional, what would you suggest to keep personal matters out of professional matters? Somehow I did manage but yes I used to be gloomy most of the time at office.

I would also add that I did learn something in past relationship. I used to think that I will always be a short-tempered person but I found out that I am a person who could compromise at any length. I also learnt that I am very dedicated and persistent. I want to improve these newly discovered talents and want to use in both professional and person life. Any advice.

Thankyou

Rajesh Setty  on January 31st, 2009

Adnan,

Here is a quick story first:

Two Buddhist Monks were walking towards the Monastery for prayer. On the way, they came across a very beautiful girl standing along the river. Like them she also wanted to cross the river, but since the river was too high with strong current, she waited for someone who can help her cross. One of the Monks took her on his shoulders and helped her cross the river. The other Monk was thoroughly scandalized. He scolded his companion continuously for two hours for what he called, ‘the breach of rules’. “Have you forgotten that you are a Monk? How can you touch a women, and that too carry her on your back? Do you know what the people would say about your deed? Have you not realized that you disgraced the holy religion?” and so on. The Monk who carried the girl took it quite gamely. He said, “Brother, I carried the woman and dropped her on the bank of the river, but you are still carrying her on your back.”

Whatever happened has happened and probably the girl that walked out has forgotten about you and moved on. Wish her well and also please take care of yourself.

This TIME will never come back and you have a long way to go.

Wish you the very best.

Cheers,

Rajesh

Adnan  on January 31st, 2009

Thank you Rajesh!

Somehow I am not beliving that a famous author has been replying me like my own friend. I beg to differ when you say you were a partner till the end of the book. You are yet guiding me as a partner. Thank you.

Yes, I never thought bad about her..I never reacted badly or abused when she used to say bad words to me due to anger.. I always remained silent. This is why I said that I discovered that I could learn patiently every thing from those who I love or have loved. I think it’s kind of good managerial skills. Irony is, she has not forgotten me and she has been trying to do thinks to grab my intentions because she took me for granted. she believed that no matter whatever she says, I would not leave her but then I am a human..it was she who asked for cold shoulder.

I am pretty much moved on. Thankfully a friend introduced you via your book and it helped me a lot as well. thanks again for the lovely book.

I am sorry i wrote lots of crap and saved few CPU cycles of yours.

once again! Thank you Sir!!!

/A

Rajesh Setty  on January 31st, 2009

You are very welcome and glad to be of some help.

As you can imagine from my story, I have gone through my own set of trials and tribulations and have got a lot of help along the way. Without that HELP, I would really be nothing.

You have a wonderful weekend and please keep in touch.

Best,

Rajesh

Deepika Bajaj  on February 1st, 2009

Great story on the Monks, Rajesh. Wow! There are so many things I have learnt and continue to learn from your writing. Thanks again. I am always in wonder with the simplicity with which you explain the most complicated things…You are the BEST.

Rajesh Setty  on February 1st, 2009

Glad you liked that story Deepika and also thank you for your kind comments here.

Have a wonderful Sunday and speak with you soon.

Best,

Rajesh