Ways to distinguish yourself #138 – Stop trying to please everyone

Ways to distinguish yourself #138 – Stop trying to please everyone

By Rajesh Setty on Sun 11 Jun 2006, 1:57 PM – 4 Comments

You can do this exercise very easily. Bring along ten of your friends and/or your co-workers for a quick ten-minute meeting. Ask them one of the following questions:

* What makes a great leader?
* What makes a great manager?
* What do you look for in a friend?
* What makes a great husband?
* What are the characteristics of a great team?
* What is an ideal vacation?
* What makes a great movie?

Each person gets about three minutes to write his or her response. Collect all the responses and remove the duplicates. The list will be daunting. Whatever was your question – the responses will show one thing clearly – it will be hard to satisfy everyone – all the time.

Agreed. You need to be nice. You want great relationships with everyone. Of course, you also know that it is an ideal condition. When you start becoming realistic and look at dealing with people in general – you will see that there is only one thing in common – “everyone is different.” Trying to please everyone is hard work. Even if you succeed, I don’t know whether the returns from that warrants all the sacrifices you need to make along the way.

Now I want to make my final point. Just remembering that your success does not lie in pleasing everyone will give you some freedom. If you bought into this argument, the tricky part is also to remember that you should not expect everyone around you to please you. The same rules apply both ways, don’t they?


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4 Comments so far, Add Yours

Anonymous  on June 11th, 2006

Hi Rajesh,

The last point was really new to me. Many of us know we cannot please everyone. But we dont realise that everyone cannot please us.

Can you also tell as to how do we accept such a situation? I mean what do we do when a person is able to please others but not us? Does the fault lies in us?



Anonymous  on June 12th, 2006

Thanks for your comment and question Prashant. First, there is no fault of anyone. It is just a wrong expectation to always expect people around us to please us. I think that will be the fastest way to feel sad.

It is a plain fact of life that just like you can’t please everyone all the time, everyone else around you can’t please you all the time.



Anonymous  on June 12th, 2006

Dear Rajesh,

I am the first time reader of your Blog,lifebeyondcode. Its been interesting to read the articles that you have presented.

As you said,in your article(ways to distinguish),definelty not every one with whom we are trying to move around us are going to please us. And it applies in the reverse way also. But,what i think is, definetly,this will through an insight into the spectrum of understanding human beings arounds us.

This will also help us in developing our self awarness and the qualities we need to develop,may not be for others to please us,But,in a long term to lead a good relationship. What do you thing on this?



Anonymous  on June 12th, 2006

First, welcome to Life Beyond Code!

Thanks for your comments. From the questions on the comments and those that I received in email, it is clear that I should have been more clear in my post :(

I believe that we are either going up (by continuous investments on our personal growth) or sliding down (no investment in our personal growth)

Once we start growing, we start attracting powerful people in our lives. These people are more objective and they understand the concept that “everyone cannot please everyone all the time.” This means that they won’t put un-necessary pressure on you to please them. Similarly, once you start gaining power, you won’t expect others to ALWAYS please you.

Investment in personal growth is no longer an option.



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